"It.Was.Bliss." (about the epidural)
Derek and Sarah join us fully pregnant with Baby #2 and in a strong and healthy marriage. But, just 3 years ago that wasn't the case. They walk us through what it's like to be 6 months into a rocky marriage with an unplanned pregnancy. They are raw with emotions and how the pregnancy unfolded as they tried to build and reconnect their marriage. I was Sarah's Doula and her cervix was stuck at 1 cm dilated due to cervical scar tissue. She used an epidural for pain management to get through the procedure of massaging the scar tissue away and relaxing through the rest of labor. This couple is hysterical and the whole episode keeps you on your toes. The couple's favorite baby product is The Topponcino. Please use my affiliate link: https://topponcinocompany.com/?aff=19 to explore this product and make a purchase today!
BIRTH STORY PODCAST INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/birthstorypodcast
BIRTH STORY PODCAST FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/birthstorypodcast
LOOKING FOR A DOULA IN CHARLOTTE, NC? HIRE MyDoulaHeidi
12 Meet Sarah & Derek-An Unplanned Pregnancy & Cervical Scar Tissue-Host MyDoulaHeidi - -
[00:00:00] What does a contraction feel like how do I know if I'm in labor? And what does a day of Labor look like? Wait, is this normal? Hey, I'm Heidi Campbell a certified birth Doula host of this podcast birth story and owner of my Doula Heidi. I have supported hundreds of women through their labor and deliveries and I.
[00:00:29] Give that every one of them and you deserves a microphone and a stage. So here we are listen each week to get answers to these tough questions and more first story where we talk about pregnancy labor deliveries where we tell our stories share our feelings and of course chat about our favorite baby products and motherhood and because I'm passionate about birth outcomes.
[00:00:55] You will hear from some of the top experts in labor and delivery whether you. [00:01:00] Pregnant trying desperately to get pregnant. I hope you will stick around and be part of this tribe on today's podcast. We have Derek and Sarah that are here. Sarah is so cute pregnant with baby number two, and I'm bringing these guys on because full disclosure.
[00:01:18] There are some of my best friends. I got to be part of their birth story but not for the whole entire thing. And so I just can't wait to hear their perspective on baby number one as. The labor and delivery of baby number two is about to come so hey guys. Hi. All right. So Derek so nervous that he has like a my Carter lemonade.
[00:01:45] I'm gonna start with you there. Yeah. Okay. So let's go back to before Sarah was pregnant and tell me about like what the process to get pregnant was like just tell me about that [00:02:00] time and what it was like I love. Five leading up to that pregnancy and then finding out there was pregnant. Hmm. Well that's a whole podcast in and of itself because I it wasn't, you know, you think that that would be a lot of fun but it was kind of traumatic I think for us because it wasn't planned and we were early, you know months into our marriage and trying to figure that out and we're already kind of having some fears and problems and just anxieties about what.
[00:02:32] You know the health of our managers was going to look like and then we're pregnant one on what felt like to me the first try almost. Yeah, so, you know, well, there's gonna be a lot of people that are listening to this podcast that have kind of that same reaction and aren't even married. So, I think it's really important to hear all the types of how I got pregnant, or he's not just oh my God.
[00:02:57] We were trying forever, and it was great, [00:03:00] you know, so you guys weren't you. Not trying to get pregnant shy out. Her name is Baby Shia. That's what my kids color at least baby-sized the babyís. I just showed up. So yeah, you won't be in to tell you how that like what that looks like for. I mean three months I was you know devastated kind of don't let me try me and Sarah.
[00:03:20] So unplanned pregnancy. How old were you when you got pregnant with Shia? Oh, jeez. I'm I think I was 35 36. 36 wait 30 I have no idea. I don't even know how the hell did my now how to 3735 we were okay. So your character study. I stopped counting. Okay. So 35 newlyweds like not crying. How did you know you were pregnant?
[00:03:49] Oh, I felt terrible right away. Oh, yeah. I felt terrible and my breasts were enlarged and really tender and that was probably oh goodness couple of [00:04:00] weeks did. I have a regular period that you missed I did yeah. Okay. So did you tell Derek right away? How did that work? I. did not I took the exam one morning before we went to church.
[00:04:16] Okay, and I was in utter shock and I needed several hours to just ingest the new material that my brain is receiving and I told him after church. Okay. See you knew for a couple hours. Yes. Any good you told Derek. I did now he's telling us right now that this was like kind of shocking to him. But what was his reaction?
[00:04:39] Like, how did you perceive his reaction at the time? I honestly can't remember because I think I was so stunned. I was so shocked that it was happening as well because it definitely wasn't planned and I don't think I was really grounded in the new material that was coming across my way. And so it took me a while to [00:05:00] absorb that this is.
[00:05:00] This is really happening. So I don't think I was like fully you did Meyer full of what was going on for him. Like okay you didn't really care at that point that makes sense at this point. You said you were feeling awful about had you like vomited or anything early on I so probably the first several months.
[00:05:23] I was very sick nausea vomiting just felt terrible. So yeah some of the physical symptoms worse. Starting at this point and I think I was only a couple of weeks along but I just had the physical symptoms and then missed period and then you take the test and it's like yeah, okay here now. I'm gonna did you just take one test?
[00:05:45] I didn't take multiple data what test? Did you like later? Go back to the store or did you just believe the one test? I believe the one test and also what I was feeling in my body. I'm like, I know so different. Yeah. Yeah, so Derek [00:06:00] you. Kind of shot. Both of you guys were shocked. So what did the next couple of months look like as you accepted the pregnancy and Sarah wasn't feeling good like from a dad's perspective.
[00:06:14] That wasn't expecting to have a baby right then and on top of it. Your wife was not feeling good. So just raw what were those couple of months like brutal? It was just not good. I wouldn't I wasn't a dad, you know, a lot of people say, you know, well Dad's not become Dad's until the day they hold their child, but I don't think that's true you when you start to see the physical effects and if you have a good relationship, I think that you know, it's pretty real but it wasn't real to me and you know being somebody who always was kind of like.
[00:07:00] [00:07:00] I want to say like a passionate pro-life person. But that argument made sense to me more and still does but you know, all of that was kind of on the table in my head because to me it felt like if we have this child our relationship is going to end. All right, it'll be the death of our marriage if we have a child right now and so my focus was not on you know.
[00:07:29] This life and they're deserving this of having a life. It was my life and my marriage and. You know, what is the probability of success in that and it didn't seem like this was going to do anything but drive a stake in it. Yeah, I think it's really valid to hear you say that at least it sounds like that you were more.
[00:07:59] Interested in [00:08:00] that point and being a husband then you were in being a dad if you could go back to that moment. Well, yeah only because I mean I always wanted to eventually be a dad as a purpose a big purpose and getting married and finding, you know, the right wife as was in my mind is somebody who's going to be a good mom, but we were, you know, six months into a marriage that wasn't going how either.
[00:08:29] Had planned. So to me, I just couldn't there's no way I could warp speed into like time too, you know. You know transformed into Super Dad and like it wasn't to me there was still a chance whether it be nature or our own intervention that this could not come to fruition and in my head. I was fully convinced that if that happened we would have a better chance of succeeding.
[00:08:58] In at our [00:09:00] marriage which seems absurd now because it actually fixed a lot of things. Yeah. I was like there you are later on baby number two, so they say it doesn't do that. Not for everybody. That's still a nobody listening don't take that as advice, but I'm glad that we're sitting here in the circumstance and that you guys are being so honest about that.
[00:09:21] So Theory you weren't feeling good and then you get to that 20-week ultrasound. Did you have an ultrasound before that? We. Had an ultrasound I believe I was about five or six weeks pregnant. Okay, and at that point, did you hear did you get to see the heartbeat? Oh God. Yeah. I heard her and I saw saw her on the ultrasound screen and it was it was just it was amazing and Derek.
[00:09:45] Were you at that appointment? What I do you do you remember did that change anything for you? Like seeing the actual baby in the heart rate be? No, okay, so [00:10:00] still I mean that's really ER that's a really early that's a confirmation ultrasound. So that's really early. I mean the baby kind of looks like a tadpole not even like with flippers not even a real baby at that point.
[00:10:10] So the dot a little dot exactly like in that flicker is maybe a heartbeat. Okay. So let's fast forward to about like 13 weeks. If I remember correctly. You got a did you get the blood test done for gender? I did it was it was. They like the 16th week probably. Okay, 15 16, so just early confirmation.
[00:10:33] So how does that like I didn't do that. So what does that look like? Did they take your blood and send it off took our blood send it off to a lab and called you there's no genetic concerns and it's a girl very good did that did your insurance pay for that now? So that was Cash Money? Yeah. How much was it Tom much did that cost that one cost?
[00:10:58] Oh goodness, maybe [00:11:00] $200 and the second go-round was for this second baby. It was 750 and you get a voucher from some nonprofit for about $400 to can't remember who the nonprofit is. So so it ends up being like a couple couple hundred more. That's a lot of money. So is that just did your internship changed?
[00:11:25] No, the doctor changed the. Locations that they used so it became out of network then correct. Okay, they were both out of network. Okay. Well, that's a good range. So somewhere between 200 and 800 dollars. Yeah to do genetic testing and find out the gender. So you get to the 20 week ultrasound and then did Erica to come to that one Derek.
[00:11:45] I'm to my recollection. He probably went to at least 3/4 of the ultrasound. He didn't go towards the end when I was kind of in that pattern of going bi-weekly. He wasn't so much then but he I think he went [00:12:00] to all of the first three or four ultrasounds that we had you went several times with me too, though.
[00:12:06] Be was there ever a point in her pregnancy where you felt connected to the baby like before Shia was born. Yeah, when I when I could see that there was a baby in there. Yeah without having to look at technology. Okay. Just like actually like seeing like Thorns belly grow. That's you know, and also I think part of it is seeing the struggle of someone physically struggle carrying, you know, it's too tall task.
[00:12:45] And so you want to you know, if you have any compassion at all, even though for the until we got there we were kind of enemies, you know, she was. Her only concern was protect for [00:13:00] this unborn child and I was kind of a threat to that because my attitude wasn't in the right place. Derek you shared that the first couple of months were difficult for you guys.
[00:13:10] What was the turning point? I think you know a combination of having the right family members and friends and therapy. We went to therapy, you know, and. Just none of the options were good options. So I just kind of did the right thing and and came around and initially was an act. I was just like trying to save my marriage and eventually I figured out that in doing so I was losing my marriage because she was going to do what was right for this.
[00:13:49] Baby inside of her come hell or high water. It was like, you know, you can go to hell you can be damned you can do whatever you want. But me and this baby are going [00:14:00] to have a life. You can view can be a part of it or not. And I was like well shit, I tried to play hardball and that didn't that backfired.
[00:14:08] So I went along and then and then, you know watching her hang in there and then kind of except me. Back in as no longer thread through all of these it just took time and effort on my part and openness on her part and I just kind of fell in love with the experience. She was going through and it's the McFarland.
[00:14:38] Yeah getting a little choked up. You're making me get choked, you know and and seeing somebody labor like not in labor yet, but just labor. As the baby grows. Yeah. Yeah. So so this is like such an interesting dynamic because I'm just like watching like [00:15:00] Sarah sensitivity like to hear the story, but also, I'm sure this is bringing back a lot of feelings for you and I wanted to just like sit there for a minute because for moms we a hundred percent our moms from like the moment we find out that we have a welcomed pregnancy or that we're going.
[00:15:18] Welcome that pregnancy and when especially when it's the first time like there's totally a shift with the way we see our partners and at its I think up until that moment like your partner is sort of your number one and then there is a shift where it's like my body and my baby are number one and he was he clearly Derek knew and understood that and so there I just wanted to hear from you a little.
[00:15:48] Bet on what it was like for your body like you were sick, but like your body was changing your body was growing like there was part of you. That was [00:16:00] probably like I may or may not be doing this on my own just kind of tell me about what that was like for you to watch your body. Change and and see your relationship shift.
[00:16:12] I so it was a struggle and a half for me because I am the kind of person I'm on the go I get things done and pregnancy was probably one of the greater learning lessons for me in life of slowing down and being more open and receptive to things in life. I was not ready to accept the limitations of my body at that point.
[00:16:35] I was used to running miles. I was used to. Working really hard working putting in many hours and then when you're pregnant, there's so many physical limitations that you have. So that was a really hard thing for me to accept and I'm struggling with that with this pregnancy to but it was also an amazing Learning lesson for me in life and taking things slow and you don't always have to be so achievement-oriented.
[00:17:00] [00:17:00] So that was hard that was something to juggle. And then the other thing is when I finally got out of the first trimester and. Feeling better and was seeing my belly grow. That was just a really cool and wild experience to me. And so the second trimester was definitely my friend. So you remember when Sia like you felt shy Out start moving and kicking for the first time.
[00:17:23] I was about 18 weeks, I think okay, and it was pretty damn cool. And then as she's growing and I feel like the second and third trimester you just growing so fast and You observe it even more at that point in there just moving all around constantly. And so it was just it was really cool to feel humid inside of you.
[00:17:48] So I've never experienced that before. Yeah. So now today how many weeks pregnant are you right now? I Wednesday I will be. Right at the [00:18:00] seven months. I was at 28 weeks. So you're getting ready to transition into that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm Esther and how are you feeling right now? Have you look amazing?
[00:18:09] I feel I feel huge and uncomfortable for everyone listening. She is not huge. I'm triple Hades and I've had to slow down even more. So again another learning experience and slowing down in life for me. Yeah, I'm somebody told me recently that the journey to Parenthood. Sometimes it comes when you're trying to get pregnant like that you learn the lesson that we are in control of nothing.
[00:18:43] And then sometimes we get pregnant easily or when we're not expecting to and we learn that we're not in control and then other people say that they learn it while they're pregnant and their bodies are growing and they can. Do the things that they [00:19:00] want could do and then when all that go smoothly well shit you learn that lesson and Parenthood so it comes so I thought that was really neat to see like, you know, like sometimes we get that lesson really early.
[00:19:15] Yeah, I'm definitely in the third category. Yeah. I have to be in it. Yes to have it. Okay. So let's kind of jump forward to the end of your pregnancy. Were you guys and. Headspace your marriage was in a good space by the end of your pregnancy. And by the time you are your labor was approaching from what I can remember.
[00:19:38] I think we were we were we had gone through a series of couples therapy. And yeah, I think we were in a much better place at that point. Yeah, I agree. Okay now I would probably try minute agree because labor will kind of. Dig into the [00:20:00] deepest part of your soul and kind of bring out a lot of emotions and if you go into your labor not in a good place your labor and delivery are going to reflect that and I think that you had a beautiful labor and a beautiful delivery and you guys were very supportive of each other.
[00:20:17] So it's awesome to hear that. You kind of moved through this difficult circumstance did all the things like how many people don't go to. Lang and don't go to church and don't talk to your friends. So like and don't talk to each other. So like did all the things put the baby up here on a pedestal where she belongs and kind of moved together.
[00:20:43] And now let's talk about like the day you went into labor because it was awesome and I want you to tell everybody all about it. So I do like yeah, there you go the Derek you start. From your [00:21:00] perspective. What is it? What did it look like the early beginning stages? Like when Sarah was like, okay this is happening.
[00:21:08] As we tried to figure out on the way here. I remember being like a little after midnight when she woke up and said I'm in labor and I was like, wow, it's gonna be a long night and then there was like five or six hours later that we felt it was okay, too. All you and see what we should do or I you know, we knew was going to be a long time before we could go to the hospital.
[00:21:33] So I think it was, you know around six seven o'clock hour that we called you and you came over and helped her just kind of hang in there walk around take a bath and you know, but it was her pain tolerance is not the greatest. So I think that those first.
[00:21:58] What do we call them again [00:22:00] contraction? Yeah as Derek's and moving his hands it how around his belly? No. Yeah, there was intense. I mean I could tell something big was happening and you know, but I also knew from all of your coaching and that it was still going to be a really long time for we could go and do anything about it.
[00:22:21] So I just tried to stay calm and act like. This is exactly what's supposed to be happening and wait for you to get there though, Sarah. Do you agree with the midnight timeline? Like what was the conversation in the car coming here fully in it around that time? Okay. So what were the first signs of labor for you?
[00:22:45] It was just cramping. Okay in the back and the front like where do you remember fall in the lower abdomen and lower back? Okay, some people describe it as like. Really bad period cramp yeah, it was I [00:23:00] remember the word I would use for it. It was it was an annoyance. Okay an annoying little cramp.
[00:23:08] So were you able to go to sleep that night? I wasn't no so you were up all night. Yeah, so to anyone who's listening go to sleep in early labor or try. So how did you just lay down in bed? Like, what did you do from Midnight until 7:00 in the morning? Well, I remember going upstairs to the guest room and just kind of flipping back and forth and then finally just going down.
[00:23:35] I recall it being about 4:00 4:30. I'm not sure what what you remember Derek, but it just it was just getting worse and I felt alone upstairs. So I just wanted comfort from him. So I didn't you came back down. A lot of women will say that they want to be alone at the very beginning. Yeah, kind of get like they're mine.
[00:23:56] Centered and then at some point then we reach for [00:24:00] you know support. So all of that Nike naturally makes tons of sense. Yeah. Do you remember early labor? Like how far apart are your contractions were I've have no idea right? So I didn't know if you remember so around like 7:00 o'clock in the morning or so like I remember I got there, but how did that day like unfold for you guys?
[00:24:24] I mean, you know. I was thinking that given she was having some sort of contractions whether or not she felt like it was officially going into labor whatever around midnight and then we were up all night. Just waiting for you waiting for the appropriate hour to call Heidi and get you over there.
[00:24:46] And then you got there and in my head I'm thinking okay, so we know we've been doing this for six seven eight hours now, there's no way. Possible that were still going to be [00:25:00] doing this and at the hospital when the Panthers play on Thursday night for the first game of the year. So, you know, my head was a little bit they're like, this is great timing.
[00:25:09] We're gonna knock this out get home and have our new baby and you know have a lot going on but the game will be on in our home and that wasn't that wasn't how it panned out now. We're going to take a short break to just share a few things. You and we'll be right back with our guest. I'm so excited to tell you about my first book that I wrote that is launching.
[00:25:34] This summer is a 42 week guide to your pregnancy. It's a collection of birth stories. It has a ton of dual advice from all of the questions that my clients have asked me over the last 14 years. It has hysterical partner tips that you will want to read to your partner and it has journaling prompts because nobody has time to write a 20 pages in there.
[00:25:57] Learn all about their pregnancy. So [00:26:00] I've taken the Liberty to give you some prompts of things that I think you might want to remember back on after the baby's born. So again, you can go to burst or e.com and pre-order a copy today and it would mean the world to me. Hey guys, if you're enjoying this podcast, then I need your help to spread the word if you know anyone who is pregnant is trying to become pregnant or just loves a good verse story.
[00:26:30] If you could send them to iTunes or Stitcher or Spotify or SoundCloud wherever they listen to their podcast and ask them to subscribe to the birth story podcast. Sarah let's go back because by the time I got there and we did, you know a lot of walking and squatting and like got in the tub and all of that kind of thing and but I remember having to have the conversation with you to say you aren't that [00:27:00] far along and I don't know if you remember this, but I was like if something were happening things would be coming out of you.
[00:27:07] Yeah, like I was like so for those. Listening in laborers active labor approaches and it picks up as your cervix softens and dilates things leave your body. So I know that was a long day for you. Do you remember like some of the things that you did that helped? You just cope with the first day of Labor.
[00:27:31] So I remember probably several months before going into labor, right? I continuously listen to pain management guided imagery and so I. Member just constantly visualizing what I was just the guided imagery that I had used and then for you you had taught me how to do that breathing, but I call it the Primal breath.
[00:27:54] So when you're having the contraction and having that really was helpful as well, and I remember that [00:28:00] morning just being in the tub and walking around the neighborhood. I found that to be very helpful too, but it was mostly for me in a particularly going through labor was that. Management imagery that I could recall.
[00:28:14] Yeah. So earlier Derek was like Sears pain tolerance is like per flow. I wanted to strangle him. I don't know Sarah feels nothing but from a duelist perspective who seen a couple hundred women deliver their babies like Sarah is whoo. I mean you handled every single contraction like. In control and so calm that I would say quite the opposite that her pain tolerance is quite High I kind of agree now that you put it that way I guess I guess that where that was coming from is the fact that I know how she feels at all [00:29:00] times.
[00:29:00] I am made aware. How she feels and if it's subpar in anyway, yeah, so but that's to say nothing of the degree of pain which she can tolerate because you're probably right about that. Yeah, this are has verbalizing that she was not comfortable. Right? Right, but like if it's between if it's hotter than 76 or colder than 68.
[00:29:24] Then it's either freezing for mole touring volcano death. Yes, it's usually when you're pregnant, how dare you put the thermostat above 70 ever ever woman is maybe even 68 I would say no need to go above 68 during pregnancy. Oh my goodness. Okay. So at some point that evening what happened? I know we do.
[00:29:54] Did to transition to the hospital it had been almost 24 hours of labor at that point [00:30:00] and really I could tell that things weren't kind of progressing to that next stage of Labor. Like I would like to see them unfold. I remember being in the car. I think it was around lunchtime that we were going to the hospital and it was terrible.
[00:30:16] I had the worst contractions in the backseat and. I remember being hunched over the backseat and Derek was just so focused getting us to the hospital and I believe you had arrived at the hospital before we did because I remember walking in with you. So Derek could go park the car. Yeah, and we went to triage and I remember the most disappointing thing in triage was when she checked my cervix and it was only one centimeter.
[00:30:45] Yes, and I was pretty devastated. That was I was an active labor. I felt and I was like this Baby's gonna come soon and then one centimeter and I just remember crying and crying when what she [00:31:00] said that yeah, so you weren't actively and let's get into it. Can we get into water? Okay. I was like, I didn't know if you were no.
[00:31:08] Yeah. No. Yeah, so let's get into why because this is a huge lesson for anyone out there and Sarah just take over tell everybody what you had been diagnosed within the procedure that. It had sure sure wrong before pregnancy. Yes. So when I was I believe I was 17. They had found some cancer cells on my cervix.
[00:31:29] And so what they did was I believe it was called cryotherapy. They essentially just burned off the cancer cells and apparently at that point there was scar tissue that was formed on my cervix. And so then when I got pregnant and I don't know I guess maybe it was just a miscommunication with. I wasn't aware that there was Scar Tissue on my cervix.
[00:31:52] And so essentially my cervix wasn't dilating because of the scar tissue and that's the extent of what I know with what was going on on with my [00:32:00] innards. Yeah, and there is another procedure also the Leep procedure and that's I think where they actually cut a part of the cervix out sure and to get the the cancer cells out and that can also cause Scar Tissue.
[00:32:17] So it's really important if anyone's listening that. Add either of these procedures done and here it is 10 15 years later and you don't even think to remember that that happened. It can have a significant impact on your labor. And so at that moment they were, you know telling you that you were only one centimeter dilated, but you had been having really strong hard contractions for a long time and clearly were up.
[00:32:49] I just at that moment. I'll never forget I felt like all of my willpower just went out of the window because I felt like I was using this visualization and I was trying to be tough and I was trying to [00:33:00] push through the contractions and then it was just so discouraging for me to hear that. You're only one centimeter dilated had this thing in my this thought in my mind like, oh I have to be eight centimeters or I have to you know, I have to be pretty progressed and and then when I heard one, I'm like no it does.
[00:33:18] This is the can't she she needs to get back in there and measure again. So so yeah, and I guess at that point what helped me through that is I'm remember you mentioning to me before when we had met before Labor to keep an open mind. And that was another thing that I had been meditating on for a while before going into labor like several months before going into labor of I am going to choose to go through this this.
[00:33:48] It's with an open mind. So this is what I would like to happen. But if it doesn't I'm just going to try and go with it so that I had to remind myself in that moment to think back to that. [00:34:00] Yeah. So Derek we get checked into the room after triage and you get delivered the news to that. Sarah hasn't early progress that much.
[00:34:11] What were you thinking? I know that it's she appeared to be in a lot of. In and so it felt like it should be close like to the N, you know, the more severe the pain gets even she can't even hardly walk to the she couldn't walk to the room. I guess. They took a they did the wheelchair thing and you know to me that meant should be near the end.
[00:34:36] So. You know, it's hard to hear. Yeah, sometimes it's really hard to be a doula for your friends too, because I remember. Having a moment with you guys that I don't have with all my clients because there's a difference between pain and suffering and I think that when they deliver that news to Sarah she had been so strong and was like, [00:35:00] oh rocking this natural childbirth, but then she hit this wall that she had absolutely no control over and that nobody had pre warned her that this was a possibility and then when you said like you just felt defeated, you know, I felt that with you too.
[00:35:16] And I remember having the conversation with you about using the epidural as a medical intervention to be able to get maybe out of suffering so that you could go back to a space where you felt strong and confident and rested for the rest of your labor. And and I remember the doctor explaining to you that the procedure that needs to be done which is massaging the cervix to break apart.
[00:35:45] That's. Our tissue would be much more comfortable with an epidural and so I just wanted to check in with you right then from someone who was open but had been rocking the natural childbirth and kinda [00:36:00] just tell me like what you were thinking when the the birth plan changed. I remember when the doctor came in and explained that it was going to be pretty damn.
[00:36:16] Painful to go through that procedure. I think at that point in time that was validation for me that okay. It's okay because I think I sort of had a dream in my mind that I would be able to do a natural birth. And at that point in time, I was in so much damn pain that I was just I was okay with going down the epidural route and getting that over and done with so, yeah, so tell me about getting an epidural like was it.
[00:36:41] A good experience, you know that list was awesome the in do you remember it like the anesthesiologist coming in and kind of what they did to place epidural because I do some people listening are like interested in getting an epidural but don't know what that looks like. Yeah. I was I [00:37:00] felt like it took a while for him to come in, but I have to get that with a grain of salt because I was in so much pain at that point.
[00:37:08] So I really genuinely don't know how long. Took for him to come in but it was pretty fast acting it. They had to give me two epidurals because I could still feel half of my body was still half of my body I could still feel so I think and their key might be a better. Yeah, I just remember he said when he said that this is this procedure is going to be worse than childbirth.
[00:37:34] So I would recommend I was like, yes, let's do the drugs and. Procedure is not that bitter. All the procedure is the actual like massaging, right? That's perfect. Yeah, Scar Tissue off or whatever. Yeah, and so I was like, yeah, let's do it and then they suckered me into watching because somebody has to watch apparently and this needle is enormous.
[00:37:56] So maybe I shouldn't say that to everyone. I mean [00:38:00] all the moms listening the needle goes into your back and you're looking at there. I just had to stand there and see this big thing. I didn't want any part of that and then later when. Had to do it again. I was like you guys have plenty of Staff here.
[00:38:13] I'm gonna go outside. I don't I'm not gonna watch this a second time which was ours what six seven hours later whenever it was but I it was yeah similar deal. So how long between the first epidural and the second epidural? I don't know how guys it was a while though because they placed it and then you realized hello.
[00:38:33] I'm only numb on one side body like so then they came back but once they placed a second epidural. Which this doesn't happen a lot people that are with me very rare. Yeah, I know but they came back into the second one. And then you were fully numb. Could you feel your feet and your legs? Oh, no, not at all.
[00:38:53] Okay. I had the best sleep too. Okay, I'd always exhausted. Yay. So the epidural goes in [00:39:00] and you go to sleep because it is now what time it's late. Hmm. Yeah, you laughed. Thank you. How's it going to get to that? Let me explain to our audience. There is a thing called nursing and I was nursing my baby still and it was late at night.
[00:39:21] And so I couldn't stay through the night. And so once the epidural was placed. I thought Sears going to sleep all go home and go to sleep and then I'll just come back for the birth. But that happens a little sooner than I thought it was. So anyway, usually I. And all of the birds of my clients but this happened to be during my sabbatical my maternity leave will you have it and I was still nursing so I am apologetic.
[00:39:50] Well, at least they're there wasn't a whole lot to do she was out and I was there's nothing for me to do. I wasn't anxious about anything so it wasn't so [00:40:00] everybody goes. It's like I go home I go to sleep there goes to sleep. Did you go to sleep Derek? Mmm? Okay, so everybody was asleep and I if I remember correctly, this is like.
[00:40:09] At night right 10 11. It was late. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was like it was 10 or 11 at night. So maybe even midnight it was it was like, yeah, so everybody goes to sleep and then I'm gone. So I I don't even know the end of the story. So tell me what happens. I think it was about 6:00 in the morning. I woke up and a lot of pain and I remember pressing the button and pressing the button for the drugs and I'm like.
[00:40:38] I feel I feel it. I'm feeling everything right now. And and I remember the nurse the nurse came in and I said I'm pressing the button and I can say I'm in so much pain and she's like baby we had to cut it off so you could feel your contractions and I'm like no turning back. This is also called transition.
[00:40:59] [00:41:00] Okay. So when many times when you have an epidural and you feel all the feels including the vomit feels and the nausea. And the waves of out of control welcome to transition. Yeah, so it's like six something in the morning you're transitioning. Yeah, and then is Derek still sleeping. No. No, you're Wide Awake.
[00:41:21] Oh, yeah. I don't I only sleep 6 hours a night on a regular night. So I was up at 5:00. I remember watching the sun come up the window in our hospital room and I like took a photo of the sunrise and I'm like got all just. You know poetic and just because I was like what you know, we went through a hell of a day yesterday and no matter what happens.
[00:41:47] We're going to have our daughter today somehow some way we're going to have our in a few hours and I just got really I was just excited, you know, and and then she [00:42:00] woke up within a half hour of when I did and then you know all the crazy. S ensued so what happened? I remember this was something that I never knew.
[00:42:15] I never knew I would my body would be shaking so much and that I would be vomiting the I remember I don't remember the vomiting wait for this. I remember someone holding a plastic cup and I was shaking and then the doctor would say push and then shaking and turning my head to vomit. And I think I only jumped in there to like hold hands and do what you're supposed to do when it got really and when it was like near the end and I needed it was clear that I was needed.
[00:42:54] I remember you holding one of my knees back. Yeah, once it was like, [00:43:00] you know, I knew we were seconds or minutes away at the most I was in there. I was like, I'm gonna explode. Variants this yeah, because I mean was anybody else in the room with you guys besides the medical staff like any family members is it was just an eye.
[00:43:16] Okay, so just the two of you guys. Okay Derek. Did you watch like did you get down there? You still can't believe it because I'm so you know kind of modest and like I hate anything fluid and you know, this is how it's done. I didn't design it and I want to see you know, This is my one chance. So I love that you watch that Sarah.
[00:43:42] Did you have a mirror? Did you watch I Didn't time because sometimes like they'll have you feel the head as it's coming out or look or anything. So you did you just have your eyes closed while you were pushing. Well the whole time I was pushing I was doing my visualization for pain management and [00:44:00] it worked it worked.
[00:44:04] And I just I was so damn tired. So tired at that point that I just wanted it over and done with. Well, there was one point that it was just an incredible burning sensation and I remember my best friend telling me that I remember best friend saying that it was something like the ring of fire something.
[00:44:26] I can't remember and oh my gosh. I just I was I was happy for it to be over with. Yeah. So when she emerged like usually the head comes out first and then like a shoulder and then the rest of the body, did you watch that whole thing unfold Derek Lee. Did you watch her head come out first and then kind of watch the whole body.
[00:44:50] I think I just took a little peek, but somehow squeezing a hand and just being there and like touching them is a big deal. And so I was just doing that and focused on that and [00:45:00] just praying that it was over soon, but also knowing that. All this is normal and natural and everybody that's you know knows and has seen this before is calm so I should be calm too.
[00:45:12] So I was you know more or less fine and excited to see Shia emerge and like told myself the whole time leading up, you know throughout pregnancy and everything people ask me and people that know me or like well, yeah Derek's gonna he's not going to look if he's even in the room at all. And but and that's kind of was.
[00:45:33] Thinking but then when it happens, it's like you gotta just peripheral vision or even and I ended up even looking for a second and it was just like crazy and then you just it's just tears streaming down and it's such a monument as you know. Moment in seconds and time that you can never redo. So I was like I gotta [00:46:00] yeah capitalize on that and and giving like the beginning of their the story like I imagine that that moment that birth moment was like very healing for both of you guys like you seemed very bonded during that labor very committed to each other during that labor and I can only I wasn't there for the actual birth, but I can only imagine like see.
[00:46:22] Your daughter for the first time and it feels to me talking to you that that must have been like a really therapeutic moment for both of you guys and your marriage I think for me. I remember him being on my left side and just looking up at him and knowing I was safe that was that was the therapeutic healing for me that he is in this with me and things are just really terrible and painful right now and he is right beside me.
[00:46:51] Yeah holding one of my life. Yeah, well, thank you for sharing your birth story. And before you go ask everybody the [00:47:00] same question tell me about your favorite baby product. So if somebody was pregnant right now while you're pregnant right now and you're like going on baby list or doing your registry, like what is something that is like a must-have that you want to share with other other parents.
[00:47:18] You must have a top Pacino it is. I love the name it is it was that pad that we had that's about an inch thick and oval someone gave it to me. Okay, and it helps you because I was so nervous holding a newborn and passing her back and forth. So it's kind of like a mini mattress that you hold while you're holding the newborn and it makes it easier to pass the baby from person to person.
[00:47:45] I'll look it up and I'll put it in the show notes. Yeah for anyone that's it is a must have made me confident holding. As you know with the limbs those very scary, but like what that thing makes you gives you the confidence to just hold them [00:48:00] and I would say, you know for what it's worth the experience sharing it the first time with you even while you were juggling others, you know that that it was more of a business relationship with and I'm sure by the end of it.
[00:48:16] They're all personal relationships, but you you chose to be our Doula because of our. Nation ship and had a lot to juggle and then you know doing it again this time around it's it's really I don't know. It just means a lot for somebody to go through it with you that is very passionate and interested and curious in a genuine way.
[00:48:43] And so I just think it's great that you do this and that you care so much about it. They do a podcast to sit and talk. Didn't for people to listen to and learn from and it's an honor to be here and do this and talk about it with you. Hey, [00:49:00] I'm so excited to be at your birth to and you have to promise me that you'll come back in May until everybody about baby number two.
[00:49:08] Yes. Yes. Thank you. All right, baby.
[00:49:17] Thank you for listening to birth story my goal is you all. Walk away from each episode with a clearer picture of how labor and delivery might go and that you will feel empowered by the end of your pregnancy to speak up plan and prepare for the birth. You want no matter what that looks like.